Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
