the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
