I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
