my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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