the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
