Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
this is an emotional support booty call
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
