If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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