i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
