I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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