don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
