we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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