I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
