Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
