Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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