My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
