if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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