You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
