he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need a beard to bite.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
