I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
