so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
