So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
