Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
