i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
