JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
