I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
