I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
