am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
