just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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