you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
