i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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