just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Bring me that man meat
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
