I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
