I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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