The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
