need another drink. this is the easiest way
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
