I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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