96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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