Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
