that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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