she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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