My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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