you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
