just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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