i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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