Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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