did you get engaged???
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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