Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
