Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
