found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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