worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This is classic penis vs brain.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
