I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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