hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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