i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry about my life...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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