why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
