We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
