thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
