Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
