____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
