All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
