Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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