NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
