That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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