let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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