also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
