so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
