I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
