does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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