You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
