He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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