did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
