i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
